What should you do and what shouldn't you do after the breakup? Your ex was a part of your life. He was your best friend, your confidante and your lover. Now he's gone and it's only natural that you should miss him after the breakup. After all, if you didn't miss him then there might be some question of whether you really loved him at all, right?
You miss the interaction that you once had. You miss talking with him about the good things and the bad things that happen in your day. You miss knowing what's going on in his life and what he is thinking and feeling. Every moment of every day apart you want to call him or reach out to him in some way but you just don't know what to say. You don't know what to do to bring that connection alive again and you're afraid. You don't want to push him away and you are at a loss for what to do next to bring him back to you.
Even though you want to pick up that phone or talk to him, right now both of you might need your space. It can be painful to not talk to him and every moment you feel the torture of missing him. You might even tell yourself that if you don't call him that he will think that you don't care. You will convince yourself that contacting him and telling him that you still love him is necessary. You think that if you don't reach out to him, he will think that you have forgotten about him and take this as a sign that it's ok for him to move on as well.
Resist this temptation to call him at any cost. Do whatever you have to do to keep this urge in check. Think about what it will feel like if he rejects you or if he doesn't answer your call. What if he sends you to voicemail or what if you hear another woman in the background? It is very easy for your mind to play tricks on you and you might find yourself even worse off than you are right now if you're not careful. You'll want to spy on him and find out what is going on in his life. You'll have crazy thoughts that he really has moved on without you and you'll search for clues to prove that this fear is true.
Instead of destroying the last bit of self-esteem that you have and making yourself look crazy in the process, do whatever you have to do to avoid falling into this trap. Watch a few movies or go for a walk. Go shopping or go out to eat with some friends or even alone. Whatever you have to do to avoid acting on your fears and insecurities is a good thing to do at this moment. Just make sure that the things that you do are positive things. Unhealthy choices like going out drinking can lead to drunk dialing or making even more drastic mistakes than you might if you were sober.
The general rule of thumb should be that you can contact your ex after the breakup once you don't want to contact your ex. I know that this sounds crazy but once there is no pressure and you really don't care what the outcome of that phone call might be, then you are ready to contact your ex. If there's no pressure on you then you are more likely to be natural in your conversation and not exude a vibe of desperation that comes with wanting and needing to get your ex back after the breakup.
All of this is why it is so important that you get your life back together after the breakup. Working at helping your heart to heal and caring for yourself again can be difficult after the breakup. Your ego has taken a tremendous blow and you might not feel too good about yourself. After all, the one that you loved has rejected you. But you need to understand what caused the rift between the two of you and what you can do to get him back after the breakup. The sooner you get back on your feet, the sooner you can work towards winning him over.
There is really nothing wrong with you. Breakups are a very natural thing and are based upon relationship dynamics that you probably weren't even aware of when they were going on. As the balance in your relationship tilted toward you caring more about your relationship, he naturally began to care less. It is nothing personal and he probably had no idea of what was going on either. Most guys are clueless when it comes to such things. You tried so hard that he began to try less. But now it's time to get things back on track and that's what you need to do if you are serious about getting him back.
You miss the interaction that you once had. You miss talking with him about the good things and the bad things that happen in your day. You miss knowing what's going on in his life and what he is thinking and feeling. Every moment of every day apart you want to call him or reach out to him in some way but you just don't know what to say. You don't know what to do to bring that connection alive again and you're afraid. You don't want to push him away and you are at a loss for what to do next to bring him back to you.
Even though you want to pick up that phone or talk to him, right now both of you might need your space. It can be painful to not talk to him and every moment you feel the torture of missing him. You might even tell yourself that if you don't call him that he will think that you don't care. You will convince yourself that contacting him and telling him that you still love him is necessary. You think that if you don't reach out to him, he will think that you have forgotten about him and take this as a sign that it's ok for him to move on as well.
Resist this temptation to call him at any cost. Do whatever you have to do to keep this urge in check. Think about what it will feel like if he rejects you or if he doesn't answer your call. What if he sends you to voicemail or what if you hear another woman in the background? It is very easy for your mind to play tricks on you and you might find yourself even worse off than you are right now if you're not careful. You'll want to spy on him and find out what is going on in his life. You'll have crazy thoughts that he really has moved on without you and you'll search for clues to prove that this fear is true.
Instead of destroying the last bit of self-esteem that you have and making yourself look crazy in the process, do whatever you have to do to avoid falling into this trap. Watch a few movies or go for a walk. Go shopping or go out to eat with some friends or even alone. Whatever you have to do to avoid acting on your fears and insecurities is a good thing to do at this moment. Just make sure that the things that you do are positive things. Unhealthy choices like going out drinking can lead to drunk dialing or making even more drastic mistakes than you might if you were sober.
The general rule of thumb should be that you can contact your ex after the breakup once you don't want to contact your ex. I know that this sounds crazy but once there is no pressure and you really don't care what the outcome of that phone call might be, then you are ready to contact your ex. If there's no pressure on you then you are more likely to be natural in your conversation and not exude a vibe of desperation that comes with wanting and needing to get your ex back after the breakup.
All of this is why it is so important that you get your life back together after the breakup. Working at helping your heart to heal and caring for yourself again can be difficult after the breakup. Your ego has taken a tremendous blow and you might not feel too good about yourself. After all, the one that you loved has rejected you. But you need to understand what caused the rift between the two of you and what you can do to get him back after the breakup. The sooner you get back on your feet, the sooner you can work towards winning him over.
There is really nothing wrong with you. Breakups are a very natural thing and are based upon relationship dynamics that you probably weren't even aware of when they were going on. As the balance in your relationship tilted toward you caring more about your relationship, he naturally began to care less. It is nothing personal and he probably had no idea of what was going on either. Most guys are clueless when it comes to such things. You tried so hard that he began to try less. But now it's time to get things back on track and that's what you need to do if you are serious about getting him back.
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To learn more about male psychology we suggest Get Him Back Forever by Matt Huston. Discover what you can do to get him back after the breakup.